I do quite apologize, but I'm going through my-own-blog withdrawl. I hate to have to be cryptic on here, but what else can I do?

It's just sort of like a big "hah!" because they're trying to hide it. Or maybe I'm making that up. It's not like we're friends anymore, anyway. And I'm sort of torn, here, because I am really happy with, well...every one of my friends on this blog. Or...I hope my friends. I start to get paranoid, although I don't know if that's the right word for it. But then also...it really is sad to reflect and look back and see who I've lost. Friendships I really valued, and they're lost. And it's not my doing. Is it? I don't think so. And for what? People who will come back from college three, maybe four times a year. They're obviously more important. I don't care.

But I really do.

And for a boy? For that? Are you kidding? And...it's not just that, either. Who can say what it all is? I was looking through old posts and...well, people change. Maybe it's for the better.

Maybe, maybe not. But then...I was once a subscriber to the idea that everything happens for a reason, and that if something's meant to be, it will be.

The trick is to fake it well enough so that I fool even myself. That's the tough part.

I'm trying, really trying, not to dwell on the negatives. This has been quite a successful year, I'll put it that way. I can't fully say, yet, whether the year's been good or bad, because the year's not over. I know there's only one more day, but I've come to learn that events that occur in even a short amount of time can drastically change the quality of...things. The quality of life.